OK, second run through. I'm going to find a lot of things because we're going to jack this mission up a level by getting a lot of details right. More work for you I'm afraid, if you want it. Overview
Starting with really petty stuff... ;D
All readmes are named readme, which is a nightmare - they are forever trying to copy on top of each other and you never know what its a readme for. Call it DefensiveReadMe or something.
Now, the mission name. I think you should change it for two reasons: firstly, misson names starting with the letter A slot into a funny place in the single missions menu, making them hard to find. Not a big deal and not your fault. Secondly, and more importantly, anything starting with a vowel tends to sound a bit wishy-washy. Much better to start with a nice hard B, D, K, T or something like that. A
Defensive Strike? What, is that our one? Its just a A strike, yeah? Well, doesn't sount that important, lets leave it till tomorrow.
Toast the Scuds
well none of those are great but I hope you see what I'm getting at.Intro
May 10 eh? Bloodiest date in warfare. Change it to the 11th at least. It's too quiet. No music is fine, but this is a busy base. We need a wheeled vehicles moving in the forground for sound, and them plus a soldier or two walking for movement.
I don't like that you zoom time and the camera at the same time. Get the camera into position above the base, then zoom the time. While time is zooming there should be no moving vehicles about, since they still move at normal pace. Tank tracks make an annoying whine: its frightening if you're hiding in the remains of a village but just annoying in an overhead shot in an intro.
(Btw this review is going to sound even more negative than beta reviews usually do, but don't panic. I only do this level of detail on stuff thats good in the first place.
Let's have some script on the screen during the intro: your name, the mission name, that sort of thing. Don't use normal script, use something fancy from xenofane's font/text tutorial. It looks complex but its actually easy, just a little tedious.
At the opening, hold the camera still for a few seconds in the woods, with lots of birds, so that we can get a feel for where we are. (Try starting the camera right back int he woods so that you can't see the base, dunno if it will work.) Then the zoom in and the sounds of the birds are replaced with vehicles and perhaps some men shouting in the background.Briefing
There are too many Objectives and not enough explanation. Why do we have to take out the preliminary objectives? A link to another page with a bit of explanation is neeed. (For example, the troops there will come and attack you in the rear if you try to take out the main base first: but if you attack the secondary base the troops in the main base can't come after you because they have to stay to guard the scuds, except you have to say it much better than that!)
Combine the objectives: prelim base and junction; scuds; AA (which needs a link); cover Bravo and escape. The explanation page should mention that you fail if any of Bravo are left behind.
Ah right, I've seen what you've done. OK well you've covered most of that, we just need to work on the layout. On the Plan page, say that there are detailed orders on the Notes page. Make the Notes page an index, with links to other pages. Split the info up a little, to make it easier to take in, something like:-
Situation and background
Alpha squad orders
At the moment its all mixed up so, for example, in the heat of battle its hard to find the section on radio calls. Each supplementary page should be a maximum of one page.
Gear: I don't like to see AI with handguns, they tend to use them at the wrong time. And which isn't it a silenced GlockS, since we have HKs? In gear selection you have 4 binocs, there should be only 3. The weapons loadouts aren't great, it's not really clear who is doing what. I would suggest HKs for everybody and then:-
Or alternatively give everybody a LAW with two missiles and a satchel. Definitely don't give somebody all mags, they should have some hand grenades and a satchel at least. (Yes I know you meant him to be a walking ammo crate.)
Group doesn't show up, that happens sometimes but I don't know why.
On the map, move the word's Bravo's attack to the left of the arrow: that will allow you to put the words Shika Screen in their place, which is a better place for them. The Shilka stuff should be in red. Try oval hatchings rather than rectangular, may or may not be better. I'd put drop zone and evac in blue (definitely the same colour, whichever one you choose) and bravo's two markers in green.Mission
Consider a fade in from black to cover the chopper getting started. Drop went fine, moved SE toward the wood. As we went south down the edge of my wood my loons spotted a patrol and dropped a couple of them: I keep schtum as I had my trusty M21. The others ran off, firing flares. Keep going, got into a position where I could see the M2 gunner at the eastern gate, dropped him and the others and keep shooting. One of my loons took out a BMP that came to look for use. A couple of guards were running straight towards me which made them easy targets.
After a bit we started to move, but immediately spotted a patrol coming in from the northwest, presumably an outpatrol that had been vectored onto us. Dropped it. Also another BMP that appeared near the base.
Moved intowards the base. Looked deserted by somebody was still firing flares ... felt a bit like that bit in Beau Geste.
Ah, there he is. Dropped a few more, moved it, repeat a couple of times. Retry. Called chopper: exchanged radio messages. Got message saying approaching base, but I couldn't see the chopper - say approaching base from south or whatever it is, so you know where in the sky to look for him WTF? Ah, the dust script! He's right above me, which is why I can't see him. If the "you've done a good job here" message is from Bravo (I missed it) leave it till theyare on the ground. Good messages, make the space before OK see you there a bit shorter. Rearmed (3 of us with laws and one with satchels) and got a message saying Bravo were ready.
I'd say this whole base attack is fine now. The defence seemed more organised. There were no more headless chickens than you normally get. You could add an alarm sound that goes off after 30s ... also perhaps a forest of flares at the same time.
gotta go now, more later