(Review Completed) [SP] Pebble - airfield assault

[GI-YO]

Thats another one that didnt end, hmm very strange. Thanks for the review im glad you enjoyed it. That sniper is a real devil but LAW'ing that building does make him fly! Not too sure why 6 went a bit mad? Thanks again im currently at work on the mission, mainly that end.cheers.

GI-YO

[greg147]

I was actually quite impressed by this mission. Although at the end, when me and the one remaining guy in my squad had cleared the airfield and destroyed all the planes, the chopper didn't pick us up, so I had to end the mission unfinished.  :'(

But what I did see was good.  

[GI-YO]

Glad you liked the mission, it seems that its only you and me the helicopter doesn't pick up. Which is slightly irritating!  . I have fixed the end and if I can fix that helo i'll post the next version soon.......Thanks again.

GI-YO

[Sui]

Not a bad mission, GI-YO

It's been a while since I played a good combined arms op.
The basic idea is very good. I've got a number of suggestions for polishing, but as always these are simply my opinion... feel free to ignore them ;D


Overview

• Add a border to the picture, so it doesn't look like it's stuck to the page.
• Space the text out a bit. I'd put a space between the title and the picture, and a few spaces between the picture and the text.

Intro

• At the very beginning of the intro, there is a brief shot of the player unit. To get rid of this, I suggest you execute your cutscene script from the init field of the player unit (as this is executed first).
• I'd put all the speech in titletext "PLAIN DOWN" instead of PLAIN. Makes it seem less 'intrusive' on the action
• Maybe add some music to ratchet up the tension?

Briefing

• Nice work! This smells of a well put together operation. I like the fact that there are a lot of units involved... really adds to that feeling of immersion.
• There were two arrow markers under the briefing pad... I'm not sure what they're there for?
• The map notations were good for keeping track of unit movements, but far too cluttered in my opinion.

I suggest consolidating some down... for instance where there are two squads advancing along the same axis, only have one set of arrows (one example is charlie/delta going to the airport).
Also, the 8 or 10 objective markers for the choppers were a bit much. Maybe just have one or two so the player gets the general idea?

• I'd suggest paragraphing the notes section. The detail is good, but it was very hard to read. Put some line breaks between paragraphs... it makes all the difference :)
• The player's loadout was a bit 'rambo'ish'. I suggest either giving them a LAW, or a '203 but not both.
• The callsigns got confusing at times. I suggest using SetGroupID to set the callsigns of your groups.
  Also check out toadlife's custom callsign tute. It would make for some good atmosphere :)
  
• In conjunction with the above, you could maybe add a command and signals section to your briefing, to help the player keep track of who's who.
• Do we really need so many LAW guys? Surely one or two per squad is enough?

Mission

• I suggest using a fade in right at the start, just to make it smoother. Execute it from the player's init line, eg.

titlecut ["","BLACK IN", 3]

• As we moved to the first objective, my M113 started taking down guys. Wouldn't you want to be dismounted before contact?
• I'd add in a couple more retry points, just to save player dying frustration :)
• How come the Soviets had US tents everywhere?
• The chain reaction was great ;D

However, I suggest putting a delay in so they blow up one at a time, down the line instead of all at once.

• I got a radio call telling me to LAW the choppers, even though I had already. I suggest putting a check in there to see if that radio call is necessary.
• The radio chatter you had was good... but I suggest adding in more. Maybe put calls in when another squad completes an objective, or is nearing an objective (you could use their waypoints to accomplish this). Another time for chatter is when a squad is down to half casualties ("We're taking heavy losses!" etc.).
• The sniper on the roof was absolutely brilliant. He had me pinned down for ages until I worked out where he was. Nice job! :)
• My squad seemed to take ages to move to the airbase... they moved right around the Western edge before going in. By this time, everyone was dead anyway and the other two friendly squads had already left in the blackhawks. I suggest either delaying the other squads, or removing some of the players squad's waypoints so they get there quicker.
• As stated by others, the ending didn't work. I had a quick look through the .sqm, and it seems you have two END1 triggers. You'll need to get rid of one of them before the ending will work properly ;)

Debrief

• Check your spelling... there's a few typos in there ;)

All up a good, solid, technically correct mission :)
The difficulty was about right and the atmosphere was good too.
If you could add voices, this would really be top stuff.

Well done.

[bored_onion]

i played the mission but much of what i have to say has already been said - apologies for any repetition

Overview

Nice - liked the picture but it would look even better with a border and shadow. Also, is it possible to give a little more detail without spilling onto a second page?

Intro

I was also confused by the dialogue at the beginning and I wasnt sure why I was fighting for the West - a bit of clarification would be good. The snapshot of the soldier at the start is easily fixed as Sui said. Maybe some music and was it just me or did nothing blow up in the airstrike - I heard some planes but saw no explosions. Maybe a nice shot of the planes dropping their bombs and some desolation might be nice Then you could tie that to the airport afterwards.

Briefing

Very clear and I knew exactly what I was doing but, as has been suggested, some sections to the notes would be nice and would give it a very professional feel to some already informative detail. Also, maybe the notes could be half from the perspective of the soldier and the actual tactical information from command. This helps to identify with your soldier and gives a better atmosphere. The markers could also be clearer in places perhaps. Other than that - good work.

Mission

We started out and moved in. On my first try I was shot by a flanking soldier so I made efforts to get rid of him next time. On the second turn, I survived but most of my squad didnt. 1 was the first to go... After that I was one of 3 guys. I definitely got the feel that I was part of something larger as the Resistance travelled North and the choppers flew overhead.  We got to the spetz natz camp and the ruskies creamed the other 2 guys - I am alone. I cleared the camp and went along the valley. Woah did I get a shock when a whole bunch of soldiers came over a crest. A grenade and some shots managed to kill around 5 before I continued. I got round the hill and found that Bravo (i think) was already in serious fighting with the airport troops. i fought my way up to them and took out the choppers from the mountain (the wrong place as I was to discover later). Amidst sniper fire I advanced with Bravo as they fell down around me. I managed to fight into the airport and deal with threats from all directions. Once the objective was over I went to the extraction and waited underneath a hovering blackhawk... nothing. Then I decided to go back and complete the waypoint which was 400 away. my imaginary leader then told me to fire my LAW and take out the choppers. I followed back to the extraction point only to be told to go to get in something about 1.5km away. I started walking but was killed by a lone remaining soldier on my way so I didnt finish the mission.


In all, I had quite a good time playing this mission but I think the game play would be improved by removing a complicated series of waypoints and making the player the squad leader perhaps? I can see how it would have worked better had my squad survived but towards the end things began to be constricted by waypoints. Maybe it was just my experience. other than that it has a lot of promise and some nice ideas. Make the alterations that people have suggested and this could score highly.

[GI-YO]

WOW thanks Sui and bored_onion  for soem great reviews with loadsa detail. I'll answer some of your questions etc

Sui -
INTRO - the intro isn't a scripted one just an editor driven one so I presume that you will always see the man before it starts. I will be adding some music into the next version, i just put that together quickly.

BREIFING - I might get rid of some of the markers as it seems to make the map a bit cluttered, i got used to them when I was playing but they make more sense to me ;D. I will be adding paragraphs now i can do it. I'll look at the SetGroupID commands and add acordingly. like the idea with the list of comms on,cheers. I put loadsa law men in incase a few got wasted, maybe change one to a medic.

MISSION - i like the sound of a blackin. I wanted the shoot and scoot effect to show the US getting the jump on the reds and surprsing them, other wise there a long way to run to the ville. the reds must have stolen those tents , the swines! I might add a player save instead of a save point. The chain reaction is sposed to be set off by the fuel truck, then they go up one by one, i'll have to adda radio message to say dont fire until you reach the firing point. I like that sniper! The squads waypoint is from the LAW firng point to move behind the choppers and into the airport but they seem to run the long way around alot, not sure why.I've fixed the end now.

bored_onion -
OVERVIEW - i add a border at soon, i could add abit more info.

INTRO - The trucks one the road blow up after the bombs go off near them, at the bottom of the screen.

BRIEFING - I like the half/half notes idea.

MISSION - I have never known that order to go back, possibly to the m113 at a guess?I tryed to make it so your squadmates would be lost an it would be a real challenge at the airport, you verses the whole airport  ;D, but sometimes you get a few people alive and other times they died long ago.

Thanks again for all the great reviews and comments i've been working on it and soon a new version shall be posted.

EDIT - in reference to not being able to get into the chopper does it make any difference if the helicopter has a LOAD waypoint or a MOVE waypoint, sync'd with a GETIN way point of the sqaud?
GI-YO

[GI-YO]

Here is version 3 with many fixes and alterations and a general tidy up. Thanks again for all the great playtests they have helped so much. Enjoy.

GI-YO

[The_Mark]

Okay, played the third version through, so here it goes:

Airfield ablaze.. hmm.. could be worse.

Shilka: Nothing unusual, worked well and without any bugs. After clearing the village my squad, for some unknown reason, didn't board the M113 as quickly as it should have, and beta was a 200-300 meters ahead of us (with their M113). When nearing the spetz camp, our M113 halted to wait for beta, who, infact, would soon engage the spetzes alone.. But at least beta had some brains and they waited for us before the camp.

Camp: Engaged the patrol, killed them, having the camping spetzes to engage us. They got killed, and when the last of 'em hit the ground, someone said that they were all killed, and the objective was marked as done. Again, anyone couldn't see into the camp. At least my squad checked the camp, reporting it as clear. Here you should have the objective marked after checking the camp, not before it.

Valley: Nothing new (atleast didn't spot anything), just killing some ruskies, followed by some killing of running ruskies.

Closing on the Airport: A few crewmen (or pilots) ( ) were apparently sent to intercept us with the infantry squad. The crewmen got killed and half of the infantry squad, followed by some killing of running ruskies. About half of them got away, never to be seen again.

You could do something about the running ruskies, as they are quite easy targets, and after they start running you will never see them again. For example, use the allowfleeing command to make them stay and fight or have them fall back to some point, regroup and giving the player a nasty surprise. ;D

Airport: Worked fine, though this time bravo survived to the airport, making sweeping the hangar way too easy (although I have to admit that some bastard some me three times in the airport, again.). It wouldn't bother if the fight before the airport wouldn't had been just shooting a couple of back-fighting ruskies and then killing the rest, not-anymore-fighting ruskies, while they ran away. But my opinion about the difficulty is just my opinion, it just could be that I'm just so damn good ;D (though I sincerely doubt that).
After the place was sweeped we got to the helos, which didn't seem to land. But after a while, (not a long delay standing under the chopper, but delay nonetheless. I would kinda like my extraction swift, without just hovering 5 metres above us and laughing ) they landed as squad leader told us to board the helos. And there was an error, I think it was about the same time as the airport clear-trigger fired: "player == leader group #player: unkonwn operator player" or something similar. Don't know what caused it, but it didn't ruin the mission.

Now the mission ended as it should. Perhaps have a fode out at the end, and some music after the helos take off.

The Other Stuff:

Briefing and markers were now much clearer. You could still get rid of some arrows (at least the ones pointing to charlies and deltas extraction points, they overlap with the pick up-markers.) and the other  of charlies/deltas drop off-crosses, with only one series of arrows it would look neater to have only one cross. The same goes for their extr. points.

The radio chatter had much more sense with the messages coming from their senders, though they sounded kinda weird: Kilo 1: "Kilo has received a msg etc.". would sound better if they were something like: Kilo 1: "Kilo here, we have received...." etc. And you know what would really rock? two words: Sound acting (I had to put it in here, no need to do this, it's just that I got started and now can't stop giving suggestions  ;D.. But while it would be quite tedious, it really would rock.)

Some other suggestions:
Replayability. Randomness. I'm not saying that you should try and make this something like LoJack, or Impossible mission, but only to add a few random soldiers into some places where player wouldn't expect them to be. What if Romeo would fall, or drive into an ambush, leaving player's six open for enemy counter-attack? What if charlie and delta would fail? That sort of thing. Again, no need to do those, only a couple of soldiers to keep the player on his toes would add some replayability.

P.S.

INTRO - the intro isn't a scripted one just an editor driven one so I presume that you will always see the man before it starts. I will be adding some music into the next version, i just put that together quickly.

Player doesn't only show before the intro starts, but he's part of it as a resistance soldier ().

[456820]

i played the first version of this and i think yes its a great job bu there were things like waiting for about 1minute and a half for bravo wich got a bit boring. You should use this setgroup id thing as a radio message came from charlie black 1 who were calling themselves alpha theres just small details wich could make the level from good to even better im sure there covered in the latest version as i sed ive got the first one but still great level

[GI-YO]

Thanks again The_Mark and 456820 for those reviews. I will re read what you have put and then see about implementing some of them, Glad th breifing is better and easier to understand. Perhaps The_Mark you are an uBeR good flashpoint player so will have to add a few more ruski's for you to shoot at!   I would like to have sound acting but i don't know how to do it and i haven't got a mike and i can't do american accents, the list goe's on. I think i know about that error you got "player == leader group #player: unkonwn operator player" cause the players name is player, so theres some conflict in there, cheers for pointing that out. Thanks again for another great review i'll be back soon but probably after christmas with version 4. Have a good Christmas!

GI-YO

[GI-YO]

Right then here is version 4 which I think is now ready for being submitted into the missions depot, i've player it though a few times with no errors and so I think its ready.

Things i've changed/added

Music in intro
spellings fixed
timings better (alpha always leads from bravo)
and FINALLY! i have got the helicopter pickup working (thanks to stonedsoldier)
Well enjoy. Thanks for all the other BETA test they have been awesome.

GI-YO

[GI-YO]

I'm not being pushy or anything but i would love it if one more person could BETA this mission (version 4 - D/L above) just to check its bug free then i'll launch it into the mission department. Thanks in advance.

GI-YO

[sim]

Downloaded, im off to test it.  

[GI-YO]

AWESOME! Cheers sim I owe you one  .

GI-YO

[bedges]

mkay, sitting comfortably? then i shall begin

overview - nice angle for the pic but it's a bit blurred. everything seems to be centred on the page according to the html, but doesn't look it. either get everything DEAD CENTRE or settle for left-alignment. otherwise, short, sweet and to the point.

intro - "airfield ablaze?" is that the title? i thought it was called 'pebble'?

there's a flash of your characters in-game before the cutscene begins. no biggie, but noticeable.

the first line of text reads "whats that convoy waiting for?" immediately followed by "running away, just like the americans." this makes no sense to me. if the convoy is waiting it isn't running away, and if it's running away, it ain't gonna be waiting. remember that the story around which this mission is based is well-known to you as the designer, but us poor players need to be led by the hand through the story. (and btw, "whats" needs an apostrophe)

the bomber appears and disappears quite quickly. this is fine if you wish to keep the sense of a sudden surprise attack, but it might be nice to see the plane on approach to target, and maybe a shot of it from the front fleeing the scene.

the text is a bit unrealistic - a soldier running towards the aftermath of a devastating airstrike is unlikely to use the word 'whilst'.

the text about advancing on the enemy and marching swiftly.... not sure about this. seems more like something you'd see in the overview or briefing. the text above the date just before the mission is usually for telling the player where he/she/it is.

briefing - hmmmokay, first glance at the very first page: 'enemys' needs an apostrophe (enemy's), reistance (resistance surely?), "will launch a diversionary assaults" - it's a diversionary assault, singular... you said you fixed the spellings? placenames definitely need Capital Letters. i confess i am a real stickler for grammar and spelling, so if this seems nit-picky i apologise. and for the record, any spelling mistakes in MY missions or posts are entirely intentional

the notes section is very complicated. consider reorganising it into more manageable sections. also rethink the use of unexplained acronyms (such as '25th M.E.U.') for all us non-military types. if you use an acronym more than once, explain what it means.

mission - quite fun all in all.

m113s - i'm not a military type but when these drive into water in flashpoint they explode. are they amphibious, and if not, how did they get to the beach?

took the port with little difficulty. nice atmosphere, easing into the mission nice and gently, which is always a Good Thing.

along to the airfield drop-off. took care of the spetznaz. over the ridge and we face the airfield. i must confess i retried many times here to get past the defences. well placed, good numbers, sniper on the rooftop - yes. a big thumbs up to all of this. for such a large base however, perhaps there needs to be more loonage.

all the choppers kaput, a few more goons to dispatch, then into the chopper and away.

debrief win - let me just replicate the sentence word for word and see if anyone else can see what i see -

"You destoyed the enemys aripower in one fowl swoop..." four mistakes and it's not even the end of the sentence... now you DID say you fixed the spellings, yes?

no outro

overall - a lot of fun. well balanced forces, excellent enemy placement, just a few minor points to polish up before submitting. good stuff!